Have you finally orgasmed yet?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize