I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
