He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
