sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
