As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
