So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize