I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
