Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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