I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
