bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Randomize
