Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
