At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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