woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
