i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
