Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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