fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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