god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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