why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
