hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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