My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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