tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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