Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You pole danced in your parka.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
