her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
