She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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