So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just got carded by a ten year old.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
