I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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