Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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