There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
