He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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