There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
