I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
