Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I didn't notice because vodka
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
