I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
It all started with a game of naked twister.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
