After last night, I could never be a politician.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize