i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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