We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I want to be your penis for a week.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
