I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
