I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
