The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
