i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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