dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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