He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
