Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
