She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
