do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
