she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize