Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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