you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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