we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
