i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
