i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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