I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
