would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
