There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
