whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
North Korea, Best Korea!
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
