I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
