dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I want her autograph on my taint
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
