brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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