I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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