The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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