They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
