Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
