even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
