i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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