now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
