yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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