I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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