I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
