Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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