There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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