the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
