I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize