I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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