So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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