There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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