After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
