He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
