i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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