I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
