I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
