Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
