I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I haven't been this sober since birth.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
