One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
