I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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