I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
