I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
