so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
