i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize