He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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