I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
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