I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
