absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
