just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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