And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
