You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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