i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
She bit a glass in half.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
