Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
