Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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