There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize