I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
