not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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