Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Randomize
