I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize